What I Should Be For Halloween

Your Haloween Costume Should Be

A Pimp

What Should You Be For Halloween?

AH-HA!

NOW I know why I have the rogue red hair! Why I love math! And I love to do yoga!

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Redhead Mathematician. Where You Lived: Tibet. How You Died: Killed in Battle.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

And I have always said that I wanted to go to Valhalla after I die. (Where you die in battle everyday, then feast at the great hall and have your sex slaves all night).

It all makes sense to me now.

(Happy Halloween!)

Definitions of Love

I read this post on Jerk today and it made me feel....sad.....bad....and lucky all at the same time.

Go read it. Then I will explain more.

tra-la-la.....waiting for you to read. tra-la-la.....filing my fingernails. tra-la-la....fixing a snack. I KNOW it's a long post, but this is ridiculous.

Okay, you're back.

So, I feel sad because I kind of know that feeling of loneliness. It sucks. And no matter what you think you want, it ends up being wrong and then you get all frustrated because you don't know if you can trust your feelings or intuition to lead you in the right direction.

Then, I feel bad because I said that I loved him because he said nice things in my fat post. Even though I wasn't looking for nice things. Then, I actually even posted his link in my sidebar under "Bloggers I Love". I don't know if I was one of "those people" that he was referring to or not, but I am assuming so.

Now, I do not Loooove Jerk - you know, in the biblical sense or anything. But I love (note the lower case "l") him because he said just the right thing at just the right time.

Last, I felt lucky because I am now over that whole lonely thing and I feel that I know myself better than I ever have. I am happy with my life. I don't have many of those abysmal nights anymore. That is good.

So Jerk, I am changing my sidebar, just for you. And, so there is to be no more confusion-

I love you anyway.

So there.

What We Did This Weekend Version 2.0

"What We Did This Weekend" was starting to become a regular thing. I am being perfectly honest when I say that losing the ability to post weekend adventure pictures is one of the main reasons I am so upset about the camera. (Oh yeah, also the whole family heirloom and memories thing...)

I decided that I can't let one sticky fingered bastard ruin my blogging life. So, I present to you....

"What We Did This Weekend Version 2.0" in pen and ink. (Sort of)

Henrietta, the mother-out law came. The girls were very excited to see her. She did not say anything about my inability to dust.

She cooked and cooked and cooked. I think she thought that we were starving for good food. I love to cook, but I don't think she trusts me with food preparation. (By the way, clockwise from upper left... fried chicken, one lasagna -others are residing peacefully in my freezer, broccoli and corn muffins.) But, it was good, so I'm not complaining.

This picture is taken from the passenger side of the vehicle. That is why it only shows Sophie and Henrietta. Notice the steering wheel size. That is what you call "perspective" in the art world.

We went numerous places in The Minty Squirrel (a.k.a. 1992 Ford Festiva). There is a reason they named it a Festiva. Because it is like driving a little festival around with you. Good times.

Rest in Peace

I hope someday to have half the courage as Rosa Parks.

A Depiction of the Evil Deed

Since I don't have PHOTOGRAPHIC evidence, I think this is what happened.....



You just may want to see this larger. Click on it!

A Bad, Bad Thing

I have been enjoying posting my pictures from our crazy, crazy weekend jaunts. But guess what?

I lost my camera, I think.

Here is what happened (in chronological order)...

1. Took the mother-out-law to dinner.
2. Took some pictures over Chinese food.
3. Put camera down by the sugar caddy.
4. Dropped my keys between the immovable booth and the wall.
5. Asked waitress for coat hanger with which to fish out keys.
6. Was personally unsuccessful in fishing out of the keys.
7. Got up so the MOL could give it a try.
8. She did it.
9. I walked up to pay the bill.
10. We left.

I am almost positive I didn't put my camera back in my purse. I went back to the restaurant a day later and it wasn't there. I think some horrible person took it. I hate them.

It actually made me cry and I had bad dreams about it.

:(

You May Lease My Friendship

I have decided that I will not be used by any of my so-called "friends" anymore. I am going to write up a friendship lease that will need to be signed by all who know and will know me.

While typing up a lease agreement today at work I read this clause....

SECTION 31. Miscellaneous.
(a) Quiet Enjoyment.
So long as Tenant is not in default under this Lease beyond any applicable grace or cure period, Tenant shall have quiet enjoyment of the Premises throughout the Lease term, subject, however, to matters of record and to those matters to which this Lease may be subsequently subordinated.

Who knew that I could hold someone accountable for my own quiet time? It is my legal right! Actually, as this reads, it is your right, if you are my tenant (a.k.a. friend) to have quiet enjoyment of me.

Hmmm...

I think I want to be the Tenant. Anyone out there interested in being my Landlord?

In Business

My friend Megan commented on the Invisibility post that she wished there were T-shirts of that drawing.

Ha.

Ask and you shall receive.

Here is a link to my new store. Everything you might need..... BBQ aprons with the "Drowning Barbies" picture, postage stamps, postcards, t-shirts.... the list goes on.

It's really just a gag thing, but if you want to just buy, buy, buy my power bill would be happier for it!!! (That was me trying to take pressure off, then adding it back on even thicker, and now trying to take the pressure off again...)

Results of the Poll (drumroll, please)

It looks as if I am going to have to :

Delve deeper into a phone sex career.

Not a bad idea.

I was shocked, however, that the otorhinolaryngologist didn't come in higher. Did you know that is an Ear, Nose and Throat Doctor? That has always made me laugh.

ha. ha.

Well, here are the official results....

_______________________________________________
Take up tae-kwon-do 19%

Go to school to become an otorhinolaryngologist 14%

Aquire numerous cats so as to become a "crazy cat lady" 10%

Write romance novels 24%

Delve deeper into a phone sex career 33%

None of the above...suggestion in comments 0%
______________________________________________

What We Did Last Weekend

Rode madly down sawdust hills on wheeled kid's toys.

Limboed.

Played pool with miniscule pumpkins.

Went through two corn mazes.

Pretended to be dwarves.

Sat next to ginormous pumpkins.

Grew.

Grew some more.

Got tired and sat ourselves down on some pumpkins.

Drove a tractor.

Found an overlook inside the second corn maze and tried to figure out how the heck to get out. We were in there two hours!

And Without Further Ado....

I fear that the following pictures do not give them justice - but here are Sophie's latest additions to her "Horrible Ceramic Figurine" collection....

Beautiful Ballerina with Swanky Swan

Piggy Bank with Superfluous Ribbon

Money, Money, Money (Say Hey, Say What...)

Thanks to Anika for tagging me.

1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?
Not a whole lot different, I guess. I am really happy. I might take more vacations to far away places, but maybe not. I would most definitely get a huge kick out of paying my bills right on time every month.

2. Money is just that - an object, so why aren't you doing it?
You know, I have screwed up with money before. What it taught me is that it is just a liquid substance. It flows. In and most definitely out. It is nice to have, but not necessary to have in huge quantities.

3. What's better: horses or cows?
Well, I love horses. I had a few growing up. I love their smell. Horse breath is great. BUT, I grew up on a cattle ranch and had a few steers in 4-H. They are sweet, and may I say delicious as well. (I am obviously the devil reincarnate.)

Note the link to my family ranch web site in the side bar and here. You can actually go see some of our cute cows. Here are some examples.....

This is my brother's son, Lars. (The one on the right.)

4. What do you think the secret to happiness is?
Using laughter as both a defense mechanism and a crutch.

5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?
I think you have all been subjected to my most recent dreams. We will not rehash all of that. However, if you feel left out, please read this….and this….and this.

6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A lion tamer in the circus.

7. Complete this statement: Love is...Never having to say ...
Don’t talk to me like that in front of the kids.

8. Can you tell a good story? (write one!)
I can actually TELL great stories, writing them seems to be a different animal though. It is hard, hard work and it never comes out like I tell them. I need inflection. Voice modulation. Hand gestures.

9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?
I daydream constantly. I am sure you really did not want to hear this, but I was reading about colon cleansing products and kind of went into a “what if” and a “should I” scenario in my mind. “What if it started really working while I was at work?” “Should I start on a Friday and ruin my weekend?” “Should I use the downstairs bathroom at work and then run up the back stairs pretending it wasn’t me?”

TAG!

Jerk
Squishi
KOM
Crazy Aunt Purl
Kristy

Invisibility

I have not taken any pictures of the newest ceramic statuettes, and I am so sorry. I know how you all were just waiting with bated (baited?) breath. So, I have come up with something that I hope you like just as well.

I found one of Maya's homework assignments from last year (2nd grade). It is one of those things that I will keep forever. That is saying a lot. I throw everything away! Often! I could not get the real picture to scan into the computer correctly, so I have masterfully copied it in Paint. It actually looks very similar. I guess my artistic skills rank up there with 2nd graders. (Higher than I originally thought....)

So, the homework assignment was...

Draw a picture of a time you were brave. Write a story about it.



"At the fair last year I went on the Butterfly rid. It went really fast. It went back and forth it was so fast it felt like I was invisible."

Get Down With OCD - Ya You Know Me!

Should I be worried? Here is a list of things that Sophie does.....often...

• Insist that I kiss her last. First sissy, then her. If I reverse the order there is hell to pay.
• Eat pancakes and/or waffles counterclockwise (she does not know that it is called counterclockwise, but she still does it instinctually) on the outside, then saves the inner pieces for very last.
• Rearrange the toys on top of her dresser every day to reflect a new "scene".
• Refuses to sleep under her covers. She sleeps on top of her comforter with a blanket. This is because, and I quote, "I don't want to get my bed messy and have to make it in the morning."
• She has added to her horrid collection of ceramic statuettes. Oh yes, she has. I will post the new pictures to prove it tomorrow.

And, you know, just for fun I will post the pictures from a previous entry regarding Sophie's collection of knick-knacks. You just can't get enough of these babies.

Fanciful Ballerina

Fancy Glass Reef Life

Cavorting Dolphins in iridescent Splendour

Proud Canine

Normal quirks? Or "GOOD GOD! GET THE CHILD MEDICATION!"?

My Mother-Out-Law

I never got married to the father of my children. I just couldn't bring myself to really and truly believe that anyone should ever promise "forever". As they say, "that's a mighty long time."

Looks like I was right about that one.

I got a phone call from his Mom (who lives in New York), telling me that she will be arriving for a surprise visit on Thursday.

And staying a week.

It's not that I don't enjoy her company........

It's not like I do either.

She is just very hard to be around. She is somewhat angry, somewhat defensive, somewhat sad and somewhat overbearing. All wrapped up in one neat little package.

Here is the story of the first time I met her personally......

I had talked to her over the phone throughout my pregnancy with my oldest. She really wanted to come out, but held off so she could see the baby. I had no opinion whatsoever of the woman, and was just trying to overcome the late stage pregnancy/birth scenario that was looming in my future.

I had a 48 hour labor with darling Maya. I went into the hospital on a Wednesday and gave birth on a Friday... It sucked eggs. Not to mention the fact that not only did I have an episiotomy, but I also tore. I was stitched where people should never, ever have to be stitched. I will not go into detail, but holy hell, it really was awful.

So, I come home with my bundle of joy. I am exhausted. I hurt everywhere. His Mom called, she was on her way.

Now I didn't just jump up and make any huge preparations for her arrival. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. So when she arrived, she walked into the house, snatched the baby from my arms, walked around for a moment and I KID YOU NOT the first words this woman uttered to me after meeting me for the first time were, "White folks never dust their chandeliers."

I was crushed. I was embarrassed. I was even a bit scared of this woman who was so bold.

Five years later, when I was in the middle of my own little self-esteem seminar, I let her have it. I told her comments like that were never to be uttered around me again.

Well, she tries. But it still happens. Everything is in black and white to her. "My white friend" this, "My Jewish friend" that. It astonishes me every damn time.

So, here we go. An entire week of Grandma Henrietta. The girls will be full of questions at the end of this, I'm sure. Wish me luck.

Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner

Remember?

From Dirty Dancing?

Well, anyway...I have been secluded in the back file room most of the morning. I need Patrick Swayze to come do a little number with me.

Vote Early! Vote Often!

So, I am about to take my little Mini Poll down....but I want to give everyone a chance to really express their opinion. Right now, I just don't think we have enough votes.

Currently it is all tied up between write romance novels and delve deeper into a phone sex career.

I am not all that romantic. And, I have been celibate for over a year.

So, really? Write romance books? Phone sex career?

Vote! I need a bigger turnout to really trust the results.

Cypher

cipher also cypher (si-fer) - 1. The mathematical symbol (0) denoting absence of quantity; zero 2. An Arabic numeral or figure; number v. -phered, -phering, -phers 1. to put in secret writing; encipher 2. To solve by means of arithmetic


In high school I had an Algebra teacher named Mr. Cypher. (I know!) He was my adversary, my antagonist. I hated Algebra. I could do "algebra-like" problems in my chemistry and physics class no problem, but when it came to doing algebra for algebra's sake - no way.

I love math now. There is nothing greater than mathematical formulas. Especially fake ones like here. Math is funny.

But back then, it all came down to this. I could not seem to show my work. You know that whole "show your work" thing, right? Well, this was the bone of contention between Mr. Cypher and me. I could get the right answer most of the time, but he wanted to see how.

We once got in a yelling match because he would not believe me that I actually did my homework instead of copying the answers from someone else. He made me get up in front of the class to show him how I did it, and write it all out on the board.

So, after he gave me the problem. I told them all to shut their eyes (because that is how I have to do math - I can't have any distraction) and verbally walked them through the problem. Without showing my work. AND I GOT THE RIGHT ANSWER!

Even after all of that he would not let up. I barely passed that class. I actually had to take Algebra II twice because of him. Oddly enough, I was able to pass through the advanced chem and physics no problem.

I also went on to work in a Finance company later in life. Using algebra. Getting it right. Ha.

Now on to the point of my story.

Maya is in 3rd grade and brought some of her Math papers home the other day. We have what is called the WASL's here. (Washington Assessment of Student Learning) The kids take this test in 4th, 7th, and 10th grade. By the time Maya is in 10th grade, she will have to pass the WASL to graduate from high school.

The WASL is all about showing your work.

Here is Maya's work. I so understand her. They want you to show your math work, plus write out your reasoning. She can pop you out an answer, right most of the time, without showing her work. But look what happens.....


Thomas rode his bike 23 miles on Thursday and 31 miles on Friday. How many more miles must he ride to reach his total of 81 miles?

23+31=54 miles 54+42=81 miles

"First, I put down the numbers that I saw on the storyproblem and I got 54 miles. Then, I used math to help me solve the problem. Last, I added it all up 54 miles and Thomas has to do 42 more miles to get 81 miles."

At dinner last night, I asked her the same question. As she was biting into her pizza, she screwed up her eyes, thought for a second, and then said, "27".

We are wired funny I guess.

Sleazy Shari Love Doll

Okay, the funniest thing.....

Sherri did a little number on her blog where you google search your name and "needs". For example I typed "Shari needs" in google. You HAVE TO use the quotation marks.

Here is what came up...

1. We want to remind everyone that Shari needs a complete liver.
2. At the meeting, Mark explains that Shari's needs for protection and predictability have not been met.
3. Sleazy Shari needs to lay off of the lip liner.
4. Jeneane has more information about what exactly Shari needs.
5. Shari needs to learn that respect is earned, not commanded.
6. Dan reveals why Shari needs a makeover: "She has a tendency to dress like one ofthe guys."
7. I called the number Constantin provided to get information on exactly--really--what Shari needs.
8. Shari needs protection.
9. Shari needs a 20' cable instead.
10. Shari needs a variety of "meaty" articles.
11. Shari needs to know the citizens of Oceanside are upset with these sorts of actions.
12. Shari needs our help in distributing her articles.
13. Shari needs to go buy more balls!

That was funny! Who wants to distribute my "meaty" articles!

I really liked 3, 9, 10 and 13. Also, #3 had a link to Sleazy Shari herself. Here it is. Right here. She is a blow up doll!! I am named after a blow up doll!

Or is she named after me?

Hmmmm.....

For Jerk

Although I was not looking for compliments, I must say that Jerk's comments on my last post still made me happy.

I type skinny.

Who knew?

Just for that, I have added a new category to my sidebar.

If you want to be loved by me, just say great things about me. Simple as that.

I Am Fat

There. I said it. And it is not to get any attention or "Oh no you're not"s.

I realized that I have a problem with self image. When I was in high school I was 6'0" and wore a size 7. Pretty damn great. But I agonized about how fat I was.

I rode my bike 20+ miles per day, plus ran a few miles and lifted weights at least once EVERY DAY. I would cry when I didn't get it all in.

Now...well. I seriously think that I look pretty good. Until I see a picture. Or a reflection of myself in a window. I feel cute. Really I do. Much cuter than I apparently am.

Is this a problem? A blessing? I am, as yet, unsure.

You see, last night, Sophie was sitting in my lap (she is 6). We were surfing the channels for something to watch in our 1/2 hour of allotted TV time. We had stopped on "The Biggest Loser" just for a moment. I have never watched any reality TV- I am very proud to say- but this caught my eye.

The contestants were weighing in and adding up all of the weight that they had lost per team.

Sophie says, "You would never do that because you are skinny."

I replied, "Oh, honey, you don't have to say that. The truth is that I am fat. It's okay to say it as long as you aren't saying it to hurt anyone's feelings."

"But you always are sad when I say that you're fat," Soph counters.

(She is right. I don't know why, but I always have acted like they have hurt my feelings when they refer to me that way. I guess it is because I don't want them to tease other kids or something.....I'm not even sure.)

Nudging her with my elbow and smiling I say, "I'm sorry that I acted that way. It was pretty childish of me. I don't care that I am fat, but I want to be healthier. I'm pretty gorgeous right now I think."

(Sophie starts sobbing)

"What is wrong Soph?"

"I don't want you to get skinny!"

"Why?"

"I'm afraid I wouldn't recognize you. What if you cut your hair too?!"


So, much of the evening was spent trying to convince Sophie that I would never become unrecognizable to her. I told her that no matter what happened, all she would have to do is look into my eyes and she would know for sure. I assured her that I would always be the same person, skinny or fat, short or tall, short hair or long hair, light skin or dark skin.

I think she learned a lot. But, it brought up tons of questions for me.

What We Did This Weekend

We were going to take the train downtown, but since it is a commuter train, I guess it does not run on the weekend (because as you all know, no one works on the weekend, silly). So, we took the swanky Sound Transit bus.

We had to stop at Westlake Center Starbucks and get a hot chocolate, raspberry steamer and a "grande white chocolate mocha, 2%, extra hot, powder, no syrup" (la-de-dah).

The girls were unexpectedly turned into cartoon fish at Pike's Place Market. Thank God Sophie was allowed to keep her right hand which was strategically grasping a toothpick with a free sample of really, really good cheese.

We went to lunch at the Crab Pot. They give you mallets! They dump the food on the table! See how much Sophie loves clams? She is kissing it!

Sophie is driven mad by the amount of seafood she consumed.

Maya discovers a new way to eat crab. Hammer crab like crazy, eat crab meat, stuff entire lemon wedge in mouth. Repeat.

At the end of the day. The token "Picture with the Pig" at the Market. (Behind, note all the people.... that is where the famous "Flying Fish Market" is.)

MSN Search Update

"Things babies have swallowed"

Internet Searches

I have discovered the strangest thing. You know that I can stalk anyone who comes to this site by my sitemeter thingy?

Well, okay, maybe not stalk. But, I can see how many people looked at my site and what referred them to me.

The MSN search engine is weird y'all. (Or maybe the MSN searchers?)

Here is a snippet of some of the searches that have referred people to this site.....

"how to self induce vomiting" (sad, sad, sad, please don't)

"my dog swallowed a chicken"

"my dog swallowed a bone"

"pictures of women vomiting on each other"

And that is just a few of them. All from MSN searches. What the hell is wrong with the world?

Want to Read Something Great?

Go read this post on Waiter Rant. Incredible.

Nine Lives

This really terrible thing happened yesterday that has been haunting me ever since. I am hoping if I speak (blog, same thing) about it that the thoughts will just leave me the hell alone.

I was in my van pool going home from work last night. We had just gone through a light when all of a sudden, in front of the van, I saw this little orange and white kitten on the road. This is going to be very hard to explain....

It looked, to me, like it had been thrown out of the pickup in front of us. It was kind of sliding down the road, spiraling - with all four of it's little paws splayed out. We didn't hit it, and the other people in the van looked behind us and said that they saw it run away. They also thought it had run out onto the road and smacked into the wheel of the truck or something.

I was absolutely dumbfounded that no one in the van wanted to stop. I was so shocked that I couldn't even speak. The picture of that poor little kitten in such a perilous position just locked me up. It made me kind of hate those people I ride with, who are for all intents and purposes - great people.

I have not been able to get that kitten out of my head. I was so disturbed that I even bribed my kids into bed with me last night because I knew that it would be all I could think about before going to sleep. It's not that I am a person who hangs cute kitten posters in her cubicle and on her refrigerator at home, it is more the horror of that moment. So small, in so much danger, with no one to help it.

You know?

Ugh.

Question...

Why does powdered sugar always taste cold?

Eugene

One of the houses next door to me has been blissfully empty since I moved in. No one around, a little junky looking, but no neighbor is worth it!

Just a few weeks ago.......Eugene moved in.

Eugene is the 30-something, unemployed son of the man who actually owns the house. Just to give you a good idea of the person who is Eugene, I will tell you how we first met.

Remember, I have a fear (bordering on phobia) of bellybuttons? Well....

Eugene was standing on his side of the fence taking a rest after mowing is lawn. I was walking toward my car. He called me over and introduced himself. Almost in the same breath, he pulled up his dripping, sweaty t-shirt to show me his newly incised hernia scar. It was all bandaged around his belly button AND the belly button was just peekin' out of the bandages, all deep and hairy and droopy and gross.

A typical reaction may be

1. No reaction, walking calmly away.
2. Assertively telling Eugene that I do not appreciate being subjected to the sight of anyone's belly button, including but not limited to, his.
3. Saying simply, "Dude! TMI!"
4. Throwing up.

Did I do any of these things? No.

I laughed.

I can't help it. When there is a question of conduct, my automatic response is to gloss over everything with laughter.

Well now, apparently, we are the best of friends.

I cannot get away from this guy. He comes over to talk to me the minute I get home. He rambles. Every other sentence is, "I don't know if you know anything about....(insert any random thought here)." He actually admits that he thinks of himself as a genius, and due to his intelligence, he can't seem to hold a job.

Remember my fake interview answers?

I WAS JUST KIDDING! I have now met someone that truly believes this crap. And I cannot get rid of him.

Any suggestions?

The Ultimate Bling

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOMGOMGOMG!****

****(I totally plagiarised that from this post of "Jerk of all Trades". But I couldn't help it because it is exactly what I am feeling right now. AND, when I read his post it made me crack up - out loud - at work. Sorry Jerk. Footnote! Footnote! Link! Link!)

Did I mention that I love my sister Shannon?

My sister Shannon who is in Antartica right now?

My sister who knows me better than I like to admit?

Well, she sent me one of the best gifts I have ever received. I tried to take a picture of it, but unfortunately no matter what angle I tried, there was overwhelming glare from the packaging. I did find a link - so before you read further, please....go see my present.

So?

Isn't it great?!

Tooth Fairy Tooth Crystals! Note that the crystals are "Swarovski" crystals, no less!

Here is an excerpt from the card she included....

"The memory of your desire to have a diamond tooth (bling!) has been a major associative thought for me since forever. For example.....

Dog ---- Cat
Apple ----Orange
Wool -----Sheep
Shari ------ Diamond Tooth

Hope it fulfills your hopes and dreams."

I, of course, felt the need to immediately bring it to work to share with my new co-workers. It's not that I am necessarily that comfortable with them yet, but if they don't know the true me I just don't think we can work cohesively.

I have most assuredly found a good spot here. They only looked at me strangely for a few minutes. Then, they joined in the exclamations of delight, the ideas, the questions!

We have even tossed the idea around of all of us sporting one crystallized front tooth to the Vice President's retirement lunch. You know. As a sign of department loyalty and such.

The only thing is....the directions say it can stay put for up to 30 days. Hmmm...I'm not sure if I can even make that kind of commitment. I will keep you updated. Photos will, most definitely follow.

The Merry-Go-Round

Okay, so you know that I grew up in Montana.

But did you know that I went to a rural school that had approximately 16-20 kids in the entire school?

That is, the entire school that spanned 1st thru 8th grade?

The only other person in my GRADE was Howard Reichle. Oh, how I hated Howard. He was always better at math than I was. Plus, his little sister (one year younger than me) was snooty and always ran away to play with other kids.

Those Reichles. Horrible people.

The first fight I ever got in was with Howard. It was in the school "library" - which was little more than a glorified hallway that connected the two rooms that housed 1st -5th graders and 6th -8th graders.

All I really remember was that when he hit me, I actually did see red. I was so mad. Ooooo, I was pissed. I bet my pigtails stuck straight out on each side of my head.

Anyway, when I went home to Montana this summer, I (and my sister) took my girls up to the old school. It still has almost all of the same playground equipment. The picture below was the absolute coolest piece of playground equipment ever........then.

It is a merry-go-round that also had the ability to tip up and down, banging on the center pole. When the entire school would climb aboard this thing, splitting onto two teams as if by magic, we could go back and forth - banging the center pole so hard that many times a few of the smaller kids would even fly off.

You may have noticed that I said it was the coolest then. That is because they have now dumbed down this merry-go-round by attaching chains to it so that it can no longer go back and forth and bang the pole.

What the hell is the use of that?

They might as well have just tore it down.

That? What they did to the merry-go-round of my youth? That is exactly what is wrong with kids today.

Protected and coddled. Chained to avoid any "banging".

I'm telling you right now that I would rather have my kids thrown off the crazy, banging merry-go-round of life than just safely riding until they are so dizzy that all they want to do is throw up.