Friday, September 30, 2005


I have decided to start a photo blog of some of my more interesting shots. You are cordially invited to come on over and see it!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Touch My Belly

Oh my God. I am not even sure where this came from, but it is the funniest damn thing.

go here!

Don't be afraid. It's a blog with picture after picture of people touching this guy's belly. It is really and truly hysterical. I think you have to be there, so go, dammit!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

tra-la-la....nothing to do....

This was on "Jerk of all Trades" blog. I took it. I was bored.

I was shocked.

ColorQuiz.comshari took the free personality test!

"Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting n..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Montana Sunset

Just thought you would like to see the view from the front porch of my Mom's house in Montana.

This is where I grew up.

And this isn't even a rare event. There are sunsets like this often.


Remember the dream about the ocean and Hawaii? The swimming pool? The overall blue and the water dream thing? Well, here is what the dream interpretation site said....

Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind.

To see a pool of water in your dream, denotes that you will find much happiness and pleasure in love and marriage. Your social life will keep you busy.

To see an ocean in your dream, represents the state of your emotions and feelings. It is indicative of some spiritual refreshment, tranquility and renewal.

To see a naked person in your dream and you are disgusted by it, signifies some anxiety about discovering the naked truth about that person or situation. It may also foretell of an illicit love affairs, loss of prestige and scandalous activities. On the other hand, if you do not have any problem with another's nudity, then it implies that you see through people and accept them for who and what they are.

I am not so sure about that "happiness and pleasure in love and marriage thing". But it was fun anyway.

If you want to interpret something from one of your dreams, go here.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


Well, today has been a very good ego boosting day for me. As most of you know, I started in this new position at the end of August. I have felt it is going well, except for the fact that I have been ABSOLUTELY BORED OUT OF MY EVER-LOVIN' MIND!

So, I have come up with this great idea - I will personally compile a Master List of all our Legal, Corporate, Trademark, Copywrite Infringement, Real Estate, Pre-Litigation, Litigation, Patent and Store files. I will have locations listed for every file here! It will be done! (It also just gives me something to do besides blog and file my fingernails.)

I have done quite a bit of it already. I have found files that are long forgotten. I have found files that could not be found. I have sent files to the happy hunting ground (off site storage).

Today, during a fire drill, the company's CFO came up to me (I have never personally met him) and congratulated me on being a great addition to "the team". He said Pam (the company's vice pres.) had great things to say about me. She expounded on my organizational skills. He actually said, "She glowed when she talked about you."

This makes me feel really, really good.

BUT, I do not want to tell any of my direct co-workers because this is what my horoscope said today.....

You can dance circles around others today, for you feel like you are at the top of your game. Others will think you even more charming and witty than usual, but it's important that you don't overplay your hand. If you appear too full of yourself, your plans could all backfire pretty quickly. Enjoy the day, but don't push others too hard.

So, I just had to tell someone, and I figured you all would do!

Dangerous Waters

Okay, it happened again.

I promise I won't do this to you anymore. At least for awhile anyway.

I had another dream.

This one also centered around water. The girls and I were playing in an old, drained, in-ground swimming pool. There were a few inches of water in the bottom and we were sitting in it. The rest of the pool was painted bright blue (what is it with the water and the blue things?).

Voldemort appeared on the side of the pool and wanted to join us. I started yelling that there was no water in the pool. I was scared that he would dive in and hurt himself - you know, with the blue paint and us sitting on the floor of the pool, I'm sure that it looked as if the pool was full (?).


He climbed in and, I did not notice this fact before - he was naked. Nude. Birthday suit.

Unfortunately, all I saw at this point was the typical "Kevin Costner Butt Shot". But I liked it. It was good.

Then, we were at a party with another couple. We started doing that new-relationship-kissing-in-front-of God-and-everybody thing. I opened my eyes and saw that his eyes were open too. Sadly, his eyes were open in surprise. Bordering on horror.

I stopped kissing him.


I am obviously going insane and a year of celibacy is beginning to wear me out. Help me. I can't stand it anymore.

Monday, September 26, 2005

The Great White Burrito

Here is another of my odd dreams for your review and discussion.

My Mother was living in Seattle in a high rise condominium complex that sat right on the edge of Puget Sound. I was visiting her and somehow had lost the girls. Not wanting my Mom to think I was irresponsible, I was of course keeping this from her - all the while in excrutiating panic mode.

I had excused myself and went out onto her deck to call the police. This deck was about 10 floors up and jutted out over the waters of the Sound. When I called the police they said, "We're sorry ma'am, but it is rush hour and we do not have time to help you with any missing persons matters. You will have to call us back."

Now, I was officially a mess. I put my head in my hands and leaned against the deck railing. I looked down into the incredibly clear water. The bottom of the Sound was gravelly and shining in the sun. And.... there was a huge shark in there. But that is not the worst part. My kids were on the bottom of the Sound only about 20 feet away from the shark.

And they were wrapped in Taco Bell wrappers.

I knew right then that they were goners. Sharks can smell Taco Bell from miles away.

Everyone knows that.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Best Deal in Town

In the town that I live in we have a State Fair that runs the majority of the month of September. The traffic downtown, which is also where I live, is absolutely horrible. Most people don't know their way around. And, it doesn't help that it is very hard to try to figure out any rhyme or reason in our downtown street system.

We live very close to the fairgrounds - about 6 blocks- so September is a time when my neighbors and I just grit out teeth and try to stay at home as much as possible.

All around the fairgrounds businesses and residents charge people anywhere from $5-$20 to park in their lots or on their lawns. Some of these people make thousands of dollars each September. You will see homeowners sitting in their lawn chairs, holding huge cardboard signs and waving pom-poms on sticks. These pom-poms, I guess, attract attention and make it easier to direct the traffic on exactly where to park on your lawn (right next to the petunias, sir).

Last weekend, the weekend of the chicken pox, was going to be the weekend I was going to take the girls to the fair. The entire year builds up around this weekend. It's like Christmas to them. When the pox hit us, their disappointment was akin to not getting to celebrate Christmas.

Sophie was feverish, so she really had no fight in her, but Maya was desperately sad. I couldn't really do anything - go to the park, for example - because Soph was miserable AND contagious.

Now, we are six blocks from the fair. On a busy weekend the streets around my house totally fill up with parked cars around 11 am. So, I had the perfect idea. I had Maya make a cardboard sign - "Parking Only $2". We were going into business.

Sophie was able to come sit in the sun during some of the parking, but she wore herself out in about 15 minutes. We parked 10 cars each day and charged an RV $20 to park overnight in my driveway. Better money than a lemonade stand!

The whole point of this entry is to show you the following picture. Note the hastily scribbled sign stapled onto Maya's baton. (Yes, this is the same baton as in this post) More importantly note our version of a pom-pom on a stick. That would be my pink scarf tied onto a flyswatter. Cracked me up. Goes to show you, pride is not one of our sticking points....


Thursday, September 22, 2005

Sophie on the Beach

This is, I think, is my favorite picture of all time.


Incredible Picture

Maya and her cousin Lars. You just don't get any better than this.

What We Did On Our Summer Vacation

Picking gooseberries. Well, really we played in the creek, mostly.

Went to Grandma's and spent time with the cousins. From left to right: Maya, Lars, Rhiannon and Sophie.

Ribbon, the wonder horse.

Posing with rocks. What a background, huh? Remember the earthquake story? The epicenter was somewhere below that little mound of rocks on the left hand side off in the distance.

Haybales and hijinks.


Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Continental Drift

I entreat everyone to delve into their past - way back to Earth Science class in Junior High....

Remember studying about Continental Drift? It is the phenomenon of the earth's tectonic plates moving slowly, subducting at times, pushing up mountain ranges at others. Basically moving the continents around the earth in excruciatingly slow geologic time.

Remember Pangaea? The theory that at one time all the continents were smooshed together into a super-continent?

Well, I had a epiphany last night. My body is this whole continental drift thing - but in reverse!

At one time, the continents of my body were in their correct position. North America and Europe (my boobs) were exactly where they belonged in the northern hemisphere. South America/Africa (my ass) had that cut little bump at the top and tapered down toward the south pole.....

But alas, continental drift has begun. Yes, it's true. I have, over an epoch (approximately 13 years) begun to develop a Pangaea Belly. The continents are accumulating. Magnetic North has drifted.

We won't even discuss the hail damage on my thighs.


Pirate Pictures!

Here are a few pictures of my co-workers (before I got my current job). My friend Shannon is the blonde - second from the left - with the fantastical stripedy socks!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Dream Interpretation - An Interactive Entry

I was in Hawaii, standing inside a room with a view of the ocean. It was a public place where one could rent scuba equipment, etc. There were benches built into the walls, and the entire place - floors, walls, benches - was carpeted with blue indoor/outdoor carpeting. Directly outside the huge windows the ocean waves were crashing onto a tiny beach crowded with kids - mine included. I was having a great time watching them.

Then, I was at the counter asking if I could see a doctor because I was in so much pain. I was trying to be very calm and not loud, but I was beginning to panic. Voldemort walked up behind me and embraced me, telling me it would all be alright. I was very tense and tried to pull away, but he only held me tighter and encouraged me (by whispering lovingly in my ear, the dog!) to just lean back into him and relax. I felt safe and the panic and pain subsided.

The rest of the day was spent traveling about Hawaii with him, feeling giddy, smiling and laughing - without a care in the world. It was wonderful.

Then, I was back in that room, standing in front of the window. I could see a huge rogue wave coming straight for the beach and all of the kids. I was hoping it wouldn't wash the girls away, but I was oddly calm - just watching it all unfold. The wave hit with enough force to crash up against the window, but it did not break it. When it receded, Sophie and Maya were standing by the sea wall - perfectly fine.


I have my ideas......but I want to hear yours.

Monday, September 19, 2005


Click on graph to enlarge

See? See how important?

Avast, Me Hearties!

Tis my favorite holiday! Rum! I needs rum ye skurvy dogs!!

Friday, September 16, 2005

A Pox on You and Your Family

From "The American Heritage Dictionary- Second College Edition" -

pox n.1. A disease characterized by purulent skin eruptions, such as chicken pox or small pox. 2. Syphilis. 3. Archaic. Misfortune and calamity [Alteration of pocks, pl. of pock]

(I always loved the archaic version of that word)

The Sophster has chicken pox. Maya will be getting them any minute now I am sure. I have no sick days saved up yet, so I am at work while the scratching and the itching and the fever continue at home. Without me. I should be there.

I didn't get chicken pox until I was in 7th grade, and boy, it was a doozy! I broke out everywhere. I was absolutely covered in them. But that wasn't the worst part. My brother's friend, who I had a HUGE crush on, worked for my Dad at the time. (His name was Tater. I am not kidding. )

So, every day at lunch time, I got to face Tater with a body covered in "purulent skin eruptions".


It should be mentally easier on the girls being younger and all. But, wish us luck anyway.

Oh! Don't forget! It's "Talk Like a Pirate Day" on Monday. You know I love pirates.......(must be something to do with their booty(ies).

Thursday, September 15, 2005


Just thought this was an interesting tidbit.....

NEWARK, N.J. - Three mice infected with the bacteria responsible for bubonic plague apparently disappeared from a laboratory about two weeks ago, and authorities launched a search though health experts said there was scant public risk.

The mice were unaccounted-for at the Public Health Research Institute, which is on the campus of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey and conducts bioterrorism research for the federal government.

Federal official said the mice may never be accounted for. Among other things, the rodents may have been stolen (stolen?!!!), eaten by other lab animals or just misplaced in a paperwork error. (What about the ones infected with other diseases? Are they taken care of in the same manner?)

If the mice got outside the lab, they would have already died from the disease, state Health Commissioner Fred Jacobs said.

The possibility of theft prompted the institute to interrogate two dozen of its employees and conduct lie detector tests, The Star-Ledger of Newark reported Thursday.

I feel safer after reading this, don't you.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Sucker Punched

I never have trouble sleeping. I am always able to lie down and fall right to sleep, no matter what seems to be going on in my life. And for once, monetary worries have been totally lessened due to the new job so you think my sleep would be peaceful and easy.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep for anything.

I have been trying to take a hard line with my girls about them falling asleep and staying in their beds during the school week. I have always been of the opinion that it is perfectly okay for them to sleep with me if they choose to do so, but they are getting bigger and we all seem to sleep better if in our own beds. Sophie usually opts to sleep in her own bed. She has always been strong and confident on her own since she was a baby. Maya, however, would prefer if she never left my side.

I finally realized that the reason that I could not go to sleep was I really wanted them in there with me. I was lonely. Not scared - I swear to God- not scared. But that king sized bed just seem awfully roomy right then.

So, I went in to roust them both out of bed and they stumbled, bleary-eyed and confused, into my room.

You know when you look up into the night sky and the feeling of being infinitesimally small hits you like a ton of bricks? Not just the "gosh, the sky is big and isn't space cool" feeling, but the hit-you-in-the gut, incomprehensibility of it all just jabs you - making you hold your breath without realizing it.

I was lying in bed feeling Sophie's butter-soft skin and watching Maya's curl on her forehead moved each time she breathed - and it hit me like that. I love them. I am a better person because of them. I never want to die. I want to watch their every failure, every success, every happiness and sadness - forever.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Laugh Until You Cry...Or Vice Versa

Okay! I know! Enough of the posting, but you have to read this. Please don't be horrified. I am a huge believer in laughing in the face of horror, terror, hate......funerals - you name it really. Go here. Read. Laugh. Smile again.

Um.....By the Way.....

I wore my shirt inside out all day on Friday. At work.

It was a button front-type shirt.

Don't even ask me because I don't know.

Purging the Friendship Files

Since this spring I have been undergoing a systematic cleaning out and purging of my friend "files".

What I have been noticing is in my relationships with nearly all of my friends, I was doing a whole lot of giving, and a whole lot less of receiving.

For example.....

My friend Kristy......I met Kristy when my daughter was about 9 months old. She had a daughter almost the same exact age, so we started hanging out, doing new Mom things. We basically became new Moms together.

When both of our relationships went south, we would go walks for hours with the babies in the strollers and lament our situations. Neither of us were working, but we were planning to eventually get jobs when the girls were just a little bit older, save some money, and get out of our relationships. My relationship was just plain awful, hers - it turns out - was okay, but she had realized that she was a lesbian (that is a WHOLE different story).

One day she called me, sobbing uncontrollably. She was pregnant. I remember saying, "Oh, Kristy, what are you going to do with two kids so close together! It will be okay though...."

And then, you guessed month later I was pregnant too. Oops. I swear, I had sex with him two times after Maya was born, hadn't even started my period yet because I was breast-feeding. Yep. These things do happen. I am living proof.

Anyway, we both tried to make it work. We were going to keep our families intact. About 6 months after Sophie was born, however, I moved out. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I had a good job, a great daycare, an adorable house - and when she showed up on my doorstep with her two girls, crying......well, I offered to let her stay with me for a few weeks. She got on her feet, got her own place and things were rolling along. (Just an aside, she was a lesbian at this time but I never have been. People seem to be very curious about that.)

We realized that we were spending a ton on rent, and saw a great house for rent that would save us both money, had enough room for all of us, and would be perfect for the kids. We lived in the "blue house" together for two years.

Now, almost the entire time there were issues with Kristy coming up with rent money, money for bills, groceries.....just about anything. I ended up being the sole breadwinner for a family of 4 children and 1 other adult. I did not make that kind of money.

Kristy was supposed to be working at home doing medical transcription. Come to find out, for the majority of the time she didn't have a job because she continued to get fired from job after job because she wouldn't come through by her deadlines. She kept all this from me and would actually spend time downstairs, typing at her computer as if she had a job.....

Thousands of dollars later, I moved out and started to try to recover some of my life,

Don't get my wrong. If you don't count the money and the lying, she was a great person. I know that sounds a bit facetious, but I say it in all honesty. Strange dichotomy, I know.

She moved from girlfriend to girlfriend after this, never allowing herself or her children the privilege of being alone as a family. She eventually got in dire straits financially and became an over-the-road trucker. Yep. Trucker. She gave her kids to their Dad (with the understanding that when she got back on her feet she would get them back) and drove for two years before getting a job where she can stay close to home.

Their father decided that the kids were better off with him, she had a bit a a breakdown, broke up with her current girlfriend, and whose doorstep do you think she landed on? Well, let's just say it wasn't my neighbor's......

I let her sleep on my couch for a few weeks. She paid me, I made sure of that. The relationship that she left was abusive (verbally only, I think) and I talked and advised and encouraged her to move on and be strong in herself (yadda, yadda, yadda).

You know what I got for all that?

A note saying,

"Sorry Shari, but I love her. Don't be disappointed in me."

That was two months ago. Not a phone call since.

But you know damn well that when she needs something again, my doorstep will be the first she lands on. But, I have destroyed this friend file, unbeknownst to her. Shredded it. This time her ass is going to have to fall on someone else's doorstep.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Miscellaneous Flitting Thoughts on a Thursday

It was Maya and Sophie's first day of school yesterday. I stayed home from work for the big event. I have never in my life seen two little girls so excited. Ah.....the naiveté of youth.

I have thing superstition-thing where if I look at a clock and it is 12:34 it is really, really good luck for that day. BUT, if I see the clock go from 12:34 to 12:35 it is really, really bad luck. It seems improbable to actually see the clock change like that, especially if you don't want to see it - but the overwhelming urge to keep looking at the clock is undeniable. I have, however, successfully only seen the 12:34, and not the change, 5 times in the past two weeks. This is a very good thing.

I have decided that I am going to get healthy, lose weight, and work out. Although the world may not be able to handle a me that is ANY CUTER THAN I ALREADY AM, I have decided to be selfish and put myself above the fate of the world at large. I will keep you updated.

I am founding a new chapter of Parents Without Partners in the South Puget Sound area. If you know any single parents (Divorced, separated, widowed, never married) anywhere near this area, let them know to contact me! I know you all are not necessarily my neighbors, but who knows who you know, you know?

Did you know that spellcheck comes up with "puked" when faced with "Puget"?

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

You've Gotta Wonder About Some People.....

The following is an editorial that a friend sent to me. It is really long, I know, but please read it. It sums up my feelings on this subject so perfectly. I cannot believe that there are people (and I use that term loosely) that actually think this way in the world. But most importantly, there are more heart-warming stories of the benevolent and the courageous.

Leonard Pitts Jr. / Syndicated columnist
Don't use Katrina to justify your hate

Does it really matter?

The city is flooded, people are homeless and hungry and scared and dead. Shouldn't this be a time for giving money and saying prayers? Should we really care about the color of the people looting in the hurricane zone? Or that Louisiana is a red state? Or that some of the dead are gay?

Apparently, that kind of thing matters to some of us.

It matters, for instance, to a black man who posted a note in an online forum saying he is embarrassed by news footage showing that most of the looters are black.

It matters to the white people who've sent me notes daring me to explain why blacks are "running amok."

It matters to the author of a note circulating on the Internet who says it would be a "problem" for a liberal in a blue state to send relief money to a red state.

And it matters to a group called Repent America, which has issued a statement saying the storm was God's way of canceling a gay festival that was to have taken place in New Orleans this week.
It's as tiresome as it is predictable. American disunion being what it is these days, some of us look at even a natural disaster through the distorting prism of bigotry, rancor and fear.
Let me say a few things here. The first is that the city of New Orleans is, according to the last census, 67.3 percent black. Given that looting is predictable under any significant breakdown of social order, whom would you expect to find out there smashing windows when the lights go out? Ethnic Hawaiians?

Besides which, white folks loot, too. Only it's not called looting when they do it. I refer you to a widely circulated news photo of a white couple wading through chest-high water after, in the words of the caption, "finding" food. As if that loaf of bread the woman has were just lying by the side of the road.

I'm sorry, but I have little patience for black people who find shame in this looting. Less patience for white ones who find vindication of their bigotry. It makes me angry that some people think these are the conversations we should be having now.

Our countrymen are in dire straits. We are talking in large part about those who had no means of escape, no cars or credit cards, no way to book a flight, reserve a room, buy a bus ticket, hop a train, no choice but to sit there and wait for disaster to come.

They are, by and large, the poorest and most meager among us and they are living through hell right now. Death toll rising like floodwaters, probably heading into the thousands, corpses floating down the street, and some liberal twit is joking — God, I hope he was joking — that the blue states should let the red one suffer? People clinging to roof tops, a great city turned into a steaming, stinking primordial swamp, and some alleged Christians think it's a victory for heterosexuality?

Memo to all these nitwits: It was a hurricane, not God's stamp of approval for your small-mindedness and hate.

Tragedy often becomes a stage for the best of human character. But it seems as if this tragedy is also destined to be a stage for the worst, a spotlight on the divisions that have lately grown so much wider between us.

And then there is the TV reporter who met a distraught man in the aftermath of the storm. He told her how his house had broken in two. How he tried to hold onto his wife as the storm and the water raged. How she told him, "You can't hold me" and asked him to take care of the kids and the grandkids. How he lost his grip and she was swept away.

The man was crying as he told the story and it seemed as if the reporter was weeping, too. For the record, he was black and she was white and I wouldn't be surprised if there were also other differences between them. But in that moment, they were just two human beings met at an intersection of inconsolable loss.

There are times when nothing else matters.

Miami Herald columnist Leonard Pitts Jr.'s column appears Sunday on editorial pages of The Times. His e-mail address is:

Friday, September 02, 2005

Hurricane Relief

I am very proud to work for a company who has donated $10,000 and $8,000 in gear to the Hurricane Katrina relief efforts! I love this place.

Donate! Do something!

Let It All Hang Out

I love the fact that some people I know and some people I don't know read and comment on my blog. (Actually, I wish you all will comment a bit more.....but I won't beg) But I now see the importance of having a blog that is totally anonymous. In this blog I could share all my Voldemort stories, I could rant and rave at people without fear, I could talk more about work.....

Some of the best stuff that I have to write about I feel as if I can't. But you know what? Screw that! I am just going to put all of it out there, and if I offend anyone or embarrass myself I still think it will be worth it.

List of Stuff I Need to Get off My Chest

  1. The mother of my babysitter, who I have been carpooling with, has cut me to the core with something she said yesterday. She was telling me a story of her Mother working in the south and hating "N-words". Now, if there is a word that I cannot stand to have spoken in my presence it is that one. Let me say one more time - her daughter babysits my daughters. Here is a link to their picture. I did not silently take this, I called her out on it and I am finding a new way to work and a new babysitter. What the fuck was she thinking?
  2. I am have a horrific, heart squeezing, even-dream-about-him-all-the-time crush on Voldemort (big surprise here, huh?). I have every indication that he has feelings for me also. I can't decide whether I will screw it up more to move forward with it or keep things as they are. I almost invited him to come over to my house for a barbecue with some friends. I became so worked up that I may have misinterpreted his cues that I had bad dreams about rejection for a week. The worst was this....

We were at a big dinner party, obviously on a date. There were some couples leaving and everyone was gathered around the door saying goodbye. I was there, but Voldemort wasn't. A woman came up to me and whispered that Voldemort really had a way with his hands and she had a crush on him.

I walked into the kitchen after this, Voldemort and another woman were cleaning up. She was at the sink and he was loading the dishwasher. I leaned up against the counter, laughing and secure in myself, and told them what she had said to me. I remember feeling so confident that we were "together".

Voldemort glanced at the other woman. They both got these pitying looks in their eyes. He sighed, and just as he was going to inform me that I was the one mistaken, I woke up.

Bad self esteem is not becoming, is it?

These admissions and outings will definitely continue, but this is all I have time for right now.

If you are my babysitter's Mother or Voldemort - I will no longer keep your stories bottled up! No one is safe! You are all going to end up here at some point, because it is my outlet. I will not censor myself any longer!

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