Tuesday, November 13, 2007

You Better Be Careful Or Your Face Will Stick Like That


This picture of Maya (circa 2003 and first grade) always makes me gasp. A first grade girls should not look like that. I remember buying her that dress. It was cotton with embroidered butterflies. It had long sleeves that came down over the tops of her hands in little V's. The skirt was also in a V shape in the front and back. On the rack the dress looked so adorable. So little-girl.


On Maya, it looked completely different.


She takes my breath away to this day with her beauty. The thing about it, though, is she always backs it up in spirit.


Tonight I came home to two breathless girls begging me to go to their schools "Skate Night". It is held a Tiffany's Skate Inn Roller Rink here in town, and it is always horrible (for me). It's cold in there - unless you are skating - crowded, loud, and lasts from 6:30 - 8:30, rendering the entire evening useless for anything else.


I am mean and I said "No".


The begged and pleaded more. The finished their homework without me asking. They offered to pay their own way in. There was nothing to do but relent.


I knew immediately why it was so important for Maya to be there the minute I pulled up. See that kid in the upper left corner of the picture making the crazy face? Yeah? That's Mikey. Maya loves Mikey and always has. This year (5th grade) it is something a little more than just thinking he is really funny and wanting to sit by him because he tells good jokes.


This year she wants to skate with him.


Oh God.


Of all the kids in her class, if forced to choose, I would also choose Mikey for Maya to have her first little crush on. Mikey is funny. He is fast in races. He is actually polite. He came to Maya's violin recital last year even though he played no instrument. Mikey is okay in my book.


So far.


As I was walking out of Tiffany's Skate Inn last night Mikey's Mom tapped me on the shoulder. I have always liked her, but don't really know her. I know that she volunteers in the class a lot. I know that she is quiet and reserved and has a kind face. These things make a good first impression as far as I am concerned.


Mikey's Mom said, "I just wanted to tell you something. If I had a daughter, I would want her to be just like Maya. I see the girls in her class starting to really play some mean games with each other this year, and Maya doesn't do it. She is so caring and good. If Mikey ever brings someone like Maya home someday, I will be the happiest Mother in the world."


Wow. That is some good stuff for a parent to hear.


I am so proud to know that my daughter comes across to the world as I have always felt she comes across to me....


But Mikey better not get to friendly or I will make his face stick like that.

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

It Takes A Village To Get My Children To Piano Lessons

My old car, as some of you know, was the Minty Squirrel.

There has been a man who has been actually knocking on my door to get me to sell it to him for the last few months. I just have to get the paperwork together and the deed will be done.

I'm dragging my feet a bit....

I don't drive much. We live close enough to things in the downtown area of our small town that we walk most of the places we go. I take the train to work. We even take the bus on the weekends most places.

But we always drive to piano lessons.

I have taken the bus a few times. But piano lessons are on Monday at 6 pm. The girls are tired. I am tired. The last thing we really feel like doing is hoofing it to the bus and waiting, going through lessons, hoofing it back to the stop - waiting, then walking home. And it rains here. Sometimes pretty hard. Sometimes all winter.

Our "newer" car (actually a pretty old and very high-mileage Honda Accord) has a few, shall we say, issues. It does not like to start on sunny days. Or exceptionally hot days. Or relatively humid, cloudy days.

Or piano-lesson Mondays.

I have tried everything. For awhile, it seemed if I backed it into the driveway, there was a higher probability that it would start. If not, I opened the hood and turned on the AC or heater fan for a few minutes and it would start. Sometimes jiggling the battery cable connections would seem to get it to go. And, if the battery was corroded, a little Diet Coke dribbled on them would occasionally help start the engine.

I admit it, in my mind, I have even begun to "sneak up" on the car pretending to only need to get a CD out of the stereo, then quickly and much to its surprise (I'm sure) turn the key in the ignition and smash down spastically on the gas pedal.

Amazingly, all of these techniques have worked at some time or another. I must admit now that the myriad of techniques and the sporadic nature of their efficacy really just means that the damn car starts only when it wants to.

Natalie is used to my angry 5:30 pm on Monday calls requesting an hour's use of her car. She has never failed to be there when it is at all possible. This Monday she was gone, but offered the use of her old Mercedes.

The old Mercedes did not start.

I was about to give up when my other fantastic across-the-street neighbor, Adam, walked up to me and tossed me the keys to his truck. AND THEN, he carried three huge pumpkins across the street and began arranging them on my front step as we drove hurriedly away yelling, "Thank you! I'll make you cookies!"

I made cookies the next day, all the while thinking that I came incredibly close to not living on this street....to not living next to the car-lending neighbors....to not having the chance of speeding away in a strange vehicle watching someone decorate my front step with huge gourds.

Wow. That was a close one.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Super Models

Remember when the girls did the photo shoot last summer? (the Photo Shoot Picture and Learning About the Outdoors Posts)

Well, their pictures from that day have made it on many different posters, emails and even postcards. Here are a few others that I thought I would share with you. Can you pick them out?

Hint: Sophie's hair is over her face and her shoes are purple.....

Hint: Maya is wearing pink in this sea of faces.

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Friday, June 08, 2007

End of the Year Project

Maya just finished her end of the year project. She has been diligently working on the writing portion for three months at school. Please read her report below and comment on how smart she is. She is in fourth grade and writes better than I do!

Oh, and there is also a very cool poster that goes along with this that she made. It has sand glued on the bottom with real starfish, fake (but real looking) ferns growing on one side, moss and many other fascinating items from her place of choice in Washington.....enjoy.


Olympic National Park
By Maya

So you want to know how get to Olympic National Park? Well I know how to get there. But you have to promise me one little thing...to have fun!

There are many ways to get to Olympic National Park, but how do you get there from
Puyallup? First, get on Hwy 512 going west. When you get to Olympia take exit 104 to Hwy 101 North. There is another way to get to Olympic National Park, take I-5 North to Seattle and take the ferry to Bainbridge Island, cross the Hood Canal Floating Bridge and get on Hwy 101 to Port Angeles. Hurry get driving up to Olympic National Park! Pack your bags! Fun is waiting!

What is the best feature at Olympic National Park? Well I think it is the Hoh Rain Forest. In the Hoh Rain Forest the trees get up to 200 feet high! Sometimes trees grow over trees that have fallen and when the fallen tree rots away there is a little space under the tree. You can walk under its roots. They call it the Moss Halls because at the Hoh Rain Forest you can walk across moss that is all around you. I hope you want to go to the Hoh Rain Forest as soon as you can! What? Why would you want to go to Olympic National Park? I`ll tell you why! Keep on reading.

Most National Parks don`t have as many different places as Olympic National Park does. Olympic National Park doesn`t just have rain forests it has ocean beaches and large mountains. Kalaloch and Ruby beaches are fun and good family beaches. Mt. Olympus, the tallest mountain in the Park, gets over 200 inches of rain and snow each year. There are over 2,000,000 acres of land to camp, hike, and backpack in. I don`t know anybody who couldn`t find something to do in Olympic National Park.

There are many animals at Olympic National Park because of the different habitats . In the mountains you can see coyotes, Roosevelt elk, cougars, and striped skunk. In the Rain Forest watch out not to step on any banana slugs, long toed salamanders, or Pacific tree frogs! In the creeks and rivers in the park you can find 37 spieces of salmon and Olympic mud minows - which are found nowhere else in the world! My favorite animals are found at the beach like anemones and starfish. Sandollars and razor clams can be found by the bucketfuls. Sea lions, elephant seals, orcas, and humpback whales swim in the water right off the beach. Animal lovers love Olympic National Park!

Olympic National Park was founded by the government . It is run by the National Park Service and the Forest Service. But who owns the Park? We all do! Money from our taxes pays for upkeep and Forest Rangers that work at the Park. One time at Kalaloch beach I got sit and listen to a park ranger talk about different kinds of whales. There are Ranger stations at the Hoh Rain Forests and Hurricane Ridge. You can learn a lot from Park Rangers.

I hope this gives you many reasons to go to Olympic National Park. Its one of my favorites and could be one of yours.

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

Track Tryouts

Maya had tryouts for track the other day.

She is in fourth grade. Fourth.

It isn't like she goes to a school that has a huge population. Each grade has about 50-60 kids in it, and they only let 4th through 6th graders try out for the track team.

In her heat of the 100-yard-dash she placed second. Later that day, her entire class missed the announcement (they make an PA announcement?) on who made the team. I told her she could go to the first practice the next morning to see if she made it. And hey....if she didn't originally make it and someone who did didn't show up....

Well, she didn't make it.

She is taking it very well. She admits to being a little disappointed, but overall is relatively unscathed.

I, however, am pissed. Fourth grade? That is ridiculous.

Sophie did manage to lighted the mood the night that Maya found out the bad news by saying, "Yeah, well anyway, Mom? Do you know that sometimes I fart out of my vagina?"

Sometimes all you need is perspective.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Maya's Birthday

Yes. Yesterday was Maya's birthday. As per the usual routine, we skipped school and work to head out on a great day of adventure.

It is well understood that I am just along for the ride - the day is planned, within reason, by the birthday girl.

So....I give you "Maya's Birthday 2007" (10 years old - OMG!)


It is 5:00 am and we are opening presents. 5:00 AM!!

"The 1506 to King Street Station will be arriving in 6 minutes."

We were lucky enough to ride the train half-way with my friend and co-worker John. He, by the way, tried to get the conductor to wish Maya a happy birthday over the loudspeaker, but it didn't happen. It was a valiant effort and John gets huge kudos for it in my book.

We are off the train and headed into the International District to cause trouble. You don't mess with a gang of girls with Spongebob umbrellas, no-siree-bob. (Or is that no-siree-spongebob?)

Finally, to what I consider the most important stop of the morning - Seattle's Best. (Starbucks is terrible and highly overrated and is bitter and doesn't add the delicious white chocolate shavings on the whip cream. Just in case you needed to know.) Check out Maya's Strawberry Steamer Moustache!

Of course, the inevitable picture at Pike's Place Market.

And ferries. Can't forget about the ferries.

Sophie's face in this picture is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. I just had to include it.

We walked through Seattle' s new Sculpture Park down along the water. Yes, I know, it's grey - but I love, love, love this area anyway. Our sunshine seems to mean it more when it decides to come out.

The Seattle aquarium down at the waterfront was our next destination. It's always been one of my favorite stops. These are the same kind of anemones that we saw on our Kalaloch trip.

The INSANELY cool fish dome thing. I could sit in here all day.

Who knew that ferns came in orange? These were my favorite things at the aquarium this year.

The aquarium is undergoing a renovation and has now finished it's new "Touch" exhibit. It is humongous and is actually two separate areas. This one was great - hermit crabs, starfish, anemones, sea cucumbers, etc. The other one has rising tides and crashing surf and is a bit more "involved" than we really wanted to deal with.


This cool ramp was worth almost an hour of Heely (those irritating roller skate shoes - you know the ones) entertainment.

We always stop at "Ye Olde Curiosity Shop" to look at the mummies, the shrunken heads, the two headed calf and the pickled pig with two heads, three eyes, eight legs and , strangely enough, two ears. This gentleman wishing Maya a happy birthday is "Sylvester". He is famous.

And this is Sylvia who might look, in her mummified state, to be screaming - but I am actually almost sure she is yawning. No need to be scared.
And now, I present three of my most favorite pictures of the day. Look at them in larger form because they are totally worth it......

The Viking and the Pimp

Hours of fun in this hat section. Literally hours.


Ha! This makes me laugh like an idiot every time I see it.
I hope you all had a fantastic March 7th.
Sophie's adventure will be April 4th for anyone keeping track.





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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Nancy Drew's -The Mystery of the Scooter Thief

The very day after our great and wondrous adventure to Flaming Geyser (dramatic music) the girls and I had an adventure of another sort.

It was a beautiful afternoon, and the girls had summoned the neighborhood gang of kids - Grace, Kennedy, Maddie and Jackson - to the tree climbing and scooter racing that they seem to save for sunny Sundays.

The scooter racing had died down and the tree climbing had just begun. Maya had deposited her scooter on our front yard and was 1/2 a block away at the red maple tree with the group. I was inside folding laundry (again? still?) when I happened to peer outside toward the sidewalk.

Two gangly 14-year-oldish boys were on the sidewalk, one on a bike and one walking. I got a strange feeling from them and watched them longer than I normally would. The boy that was afoot looked directly in the window at me, meeting my eyes, and then at the scooter at the edge of the lawn.

I started moving toward the door, but all at once he reversed his direction back to the scooter, snatched it, and started down the sidewalk at a dead run.

I will truthfully tell you right now that....well, I lost my ever-loving mind.

I crashed through the door yelling such profane things that I can't even remember the proper order in which to quote them. I know I used the f-bomb as an adjective, adverb, noun and verb while interspersing it with threats of the police and bodily damage interspersed at regular intervals.

I ran inside, dialed the police, made my statement and then...

Oh God.

And then I told the girls to get in the car because, "Dammit! We're going to get your scooter back!"

Now, it is a slippery slope when you are driving a vehicle around town in an absolute rage. One should never, ever do this. I had grandiose visions of finding the hooligans gallivanting down the street and....

Maybe I would pull up in front of them, bumping my car over the curb and onto the sidewalk, scaring them so thoroughly with my aggression as to cause them absolute terror.

Maybe I would follow them carefully and quietly until I found out where they lived and then accost them in front of their parents.

Maybe I would just run the little thieving bastards over with my car.

Oh my God I was mad. I don't know what pushed me to such extremes. It was a $50 scooter - three years old, no less. But it was also a scooter that I would be called upon to replace. It was a scooter that had been taken right from under my child's nose. Right in the front yard of the place that is her home and should be safe from these things.

Eventually the boiling in my brain settled down enough to realize that the police officer summoned by my call might be coming to my house - or already there for that matter. I maneuvered myself, my children, and the potential killing machine of my vehicle towards home.

When I returned home, my heart still beating furiously and my adrenal glands aching, John (the girl's Dad) called. He, not knowing that it would put him in imminent peril, had the audacity to lecture Maya about leaving her scooter on the lawn.

The phone call was interrupted by me, threats were forcibly made -something to the effect of, "If you dare make her feel bad because she was playing on her own damn street in front of her own damn house and some little bastards decided to take something that was not theirs....I....I will..." And then I hung up. Because, honestly, I didn't know what I would do - but I did know that it would be something very, very bad.

The police officer showed herself a few minutes later.

Much to my consternation I had very little input on the descriptions of the perpetrators. They were white, skinny, young... one was on a bike, one is now on a purple sparkly scooter....

Hair? Hmmm... not sure.

Clothing? A red t-shirt? A grey sweatshirt? Jeans? Shorts? I had no idea.

Sophie came to the rescue.

She piped up in her seven-year-old wisdom, "The one on the bike, he had black hair and a red shirt. His bike had three wheels. Like the kind you see old people riding? It had a dining room chair tied to the back of it. The other boy had a black t-shirt on with jeans. He had brownish blondish hair."

And if it wasn't enough that her description was so good - something that I definitely should have noticed - I mean, a three wheeled bike with a dining room chair strapped to the back? Anyway, she then proceeded to use my words against me, innocently enough, when she also mentioned (picture her with eyes about as big as saucers when she says this), "Oh! And my Mom screamed at them and called them "f-word boys'."

I am sure that she thought that this might be helpful to the officer. Fucking boys are obviously different that normal boys and could very likely be picked out of a crowd quickly.

The officer, with hardly a smirk on her face, dutifully noted this new evidence in her notebook and left soon thereafter.

The adventure came to an end the next morning. In a way one could say that it is a happy ending. But I am not totally convinced. John, on his way to our house for a visit with the girls noticed the scooter thrown onto the lawn of a house a few blocks from us.

How the hell did he get to end up the hero?

I swear, I just can't win.

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

"The Movie"

Just as I was sitting down to dinner with the girls last night I was accosted with this question from Maya...

"So....when did you have to watch "The Movie"? You know the one."

And honestly, I don't remember every seeing "The Movie". I guess they figured that us country girls already knew all there was to know. Growing up on a cattle ranch does expose you to the importance of breeding right off the bat, I guess.

Sometime in April Maya's fourth grade (fourth grade!?) class will be split by gender to view this movie. Many kids are quite anxious, but it did my heart good to have Maya say, "Wow. I'm really glad you told me all about that stuff last year. At least I won't be surprised."

I went into quite some detail last year, so I am sure that nothing will come as a huge surprise, but I did warn her that "The Movie" would probably be more technical in nature than our numerous conversations in the kitchen have been.

We talked about "It" some more just to clarify some of her questions and then she said..."Boy, are some people going to be surprised!"

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Thursday, January 04, 2007

Mom, Don't Read My Diary

For Christmas Megan got me the book "Mortified - Real Words. Real People. Real Pathetic." The back of the book reads....

"In the days before blogs, teenagers recorded their lives with a pen in top-secret notebooks, usually emblazoned with an earnest, underlined plea to parents to keep away. Since 2002, David Nadelberg has tapped that vast wellspring of adolescent anguish in the stage show Mortified, in which grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and reasons they deserved to marry Simon LeBon."

I knew I was going to love it, and read it in two days. It's a scream, and I recommend it to anyone.

As fate would have it, while talking to my Mom tonight, she admitted to reading my diary while she was here this year. This "diary" is actually my journal I wrote in in 1995 while I was working in Alaska.

She suggested I burn it before the girls read it.

This prompted me to pull it out (no need to wipe the dust off, Mom) and look inside. These were wilder days...before kids...what the hell did I write? Obviously, crazy things like...

"It was almost a full moon tonight so I took a long walk up and around the cove. Gorgeous. There are waterfalls, huge trees, flowers - its like a little elf world. I sat on a bench by a waterfall and watched the trees in the moonlight."

Where are my matches!?

But maybe it was this...

"Then there's Kenny. Why can't I get him off my mind? I cannot believe the way he made me feel in such a short time. It's hard to tell what is really going on between us. I can't read his mind and I know what his motives were for our relationship, but all I know is he made me feel so incredibly good when we made love - it was like I was a totally new person. I usually am very guarded or almost flippant about sex but I was saying and doing things before I thought about what the repercussions might be. I don't know if it's love, but I do know that I have experienced lust and this isn't that."

Or could it be this quote that I jotted down?

"Only the rather stupid and insentient, nowadays, have strong and sharply defined personalities. Only the barbarians among us 'know what they are'."
-Aldous Huxley "Eyeless in Gaza"

And really...that's about it. There's some comment on my co-workers, a few tirades about the captain, some descriptions of nights were I drank too much. But the excerpts above were really the raciest it got.

Dang. Good thing she didn't find my erotic fiction.

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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The Family That Blogs Together.....

I would like to announce two of the most exciting blogs to hit the blogosphere for quite some time. Maya and Sophie are no longer just guest blogging, they have their own.

Maya's is called Cat! New Cat! and can be found here.

Sophie's is called Friends! Friends! Friends! (it's about friends). It can be found here.

Please comment and support them.

I, of course, am moderating the comments to weed out the undesirables.

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Monday, June 12, 2006

The Grizzly Bear - Guest Blogger Style

by Maya

I was hiking in the forest. It was a rain forest so it was wet so I saw a lot of footprints. I think I saw a bear foot print. I wonder if it went to a cave.

I wasn't scared but I was scared because my friend was out in the forest. If the animal sees her in the forest he's going to have a tasty lunch.

All of a sudden I heard screaming.

"What was that!" I said. "It sounded like my friend!"

I followed the screaming. Finally I got there. It was my friend but she was in big trouble. A grizzly bear was trying to eat her! Then the bear looked at me like he was going to eat me too.

My friend and I climb up a big tree. I was happy to see my friend. The grizzly bear growled and started to pound the tree.

I was shaking like an earthquake.

Then I saw a vine and I told my friend to follow me from vine to vine. When we landed I was shaking again because I didn't like going up an swinging from vine to vine.

I looked at my friend. She looked really scared.

I was glad to get away from the grizzly bear. But I bet there are more where that came from. So we went back to camp.

We told everyone in camp to look out for more grizzly bears. I said to do what I did. But no one saw a grizzly bear for the rest of the summer.

The End

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Thursday, April 06, 2006

Cute! Look!

Last night, as I pulled into my driveway after work, I noticed my daughters and their friend Grace riding madly up and down the sidewalk in front of the house on their bikes. They all had signs taped to the front of their bikes.

Maya informed me that they were trying to earn money to get to Disneyland. McDonalds has been giving out Trollz dolls as their happy meal choice. All three girls happened to have one.

In this fact, they saw their business oppurtunity.

(Please click on below advertisement to enlarge for ease of reading.)




"Trollz Cuts" (I encouraged changing it to Trollz Cutz....) is born. They have learned the hard way that specializing in such a small niche may not be the way to go.

But their marketing is dead on.

"Cut, Cut, Cut! Snip, Snip, Snip! Done, Done, Done! Cute! Look!"


And the haircuts aren't to shabby, either!

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Apples Are Falling Far From The Tree

Maya's report card comment section:

"Maya's positive attitude, conscientious completion of her assigned work and commitment to doing her best has provided her with many successes this year. Progress and improvement have been evident this trimester. We are working hard in the area of writing; it's encouraging to see her understanding grow. Thank you for sending such a delightful person to our class."

Sophie's report card comment section:

"Sophia continues to be successful in all areas. She as completed 30 of 38 units in the Readwell program and is currently reading independently in the Accelerated Reader program. She has read over 20 books in this program with a 96% accuracy on her tests. Sophia is able to write a well organized paragraph with topic sentence and at least two supporting sentences. She is an accurate speller and had beautiful handwriting. Her skills in math are good, as well. Sophia sets high standards for herself in both academics and citizenship and is a delight to have in class."

Shari's report card comment section from 1978:

"Shari talks too much in class and can be disruptive."

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Friday, February 03, 2006

The Scientific Method

I know that you have all been just dying to know how the Science Fair Experiment is going. I mean, just what is a guinea pig's favorite fruit or vegetable anyway? You need to know!

What follows is excerpts from Maya's scientific journal:

January 22, 2006

Foods I want to try:

plum
apple
orange
broccoli
cucumber
lettuce
grapes
carrot
onion
banana
tomato

I'm going to put the food three feet away from the Guinea pig. Then I'm going to time him. I'll only do it once every day so the Guinea pig doesn't get full. I'll take pictures of the Guinea pig. I'll let the Guinea pig sniff the food at the starting line.

Experiment one - broccoli

He kept on sitting there. So after ten minutes I decided to start over and put it on two feet it took 6 minutes and 59 seconds. But before he turned in a circle and came back and ate the broccoli. This is how Sunny walked around in a circle.

[adorable picture drawn here]

January 23, 2006

Experiment 2 - Apple

It took a long time. It took 14 minutes and 19 seconds. He kept on turning around and steping on the measering tap. I think he was doing it because my Mom was cooking dinner. We might do an apple another day when my Mom isn't cooking.

January 24, 2006

Experiment 3 - cucumber

He kept sitting there for about 10 minutes. Finaly he got there. He didn't seeem to like the cucumber that much. The time was 11 minutes and 54 seconds. I do notice that he chatters his teeth before he moves.

January 30th, 2006

Experiment 4 - carrots

He sat there for about 1 minute. Then he moved. It took him 9 and 4 seconds. I thought he would get there fast and get there and beat the time.

January 31st, 2006

Experiment 5 - grapes

It wasn't that long. It just took 3 minutes and 3 seconds he just sat then before you now it he's there. I think this is the one that is the fastest.

February 2, 2006

Experiment 6 - lettuce

It took such a long time it took him 17 minutes and 33 seconds. I was so inpatience I thought he would never get there.


Yeah, that lettuce experiment? I was impatience, too.

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Thursday, January 26, 2006

I Admit It....I Test On Animals

Maya is starting her Science Fair project. This is the first year that she is required to do one, therefore it is the first year that she has done one. I don't believe in excessive overachieving. There's enough pressure later on in life. No need to freak a first or second grader out over nothing.

So anyway, we were brainstorming the other night over testable scientific questions. We went back and forth with many ideas. I finally just asked her to choose a subject that she really, really enjoys studying. I was sure it would be volcanoes. She is fascinated with them. (It could be because we live right underneath one and actually have an evacuation plan that is taught in schools in case of eruption......but I digress).

So, she said, "I love my guinea pigs!"

A slow smile spread over my face.

Is there anything funnier and more appropriate (or inappropriate depending on your views) that using a GUINEA PIG in a science experiment?!

I think not.

Her Science Fair project is officially, "What fruit or vegetable do guinea pigs like best?" She is doing this all on her own - keeping a scientific journal, testing a different food every night, measuring the amount of time it takes her guinea pig to cross the floor to the food..... it's fantastic. I will share some of her journal entries with you soon.

experiment #1 - broccoli

Um, it took him approximately 8 minutes to get the three feet to the broccoli - and after testing cucumber, apple and tomato - broccoli is on top as his favorite.

Maya is also finding out in her experimentation that guinea pigs are also slow and (I hate to say it) relatively unintelligent.

Hurray for Science! This is fun.

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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

My Worst Week Ever

Just so you know, the title does not refer to me.

I know you were worried.

I have been incredibly busy with closing out my old job and readying it for the person coming in, and training for my new one. But thankfully, Maya brought home her first essay yesterday. She worked on it at school the whole month of December. She is quite the writer for a third grader.

So without further ado, my guest blogger - Maya.

My Worst Week Ever
by Maya

Tug! Tug! that's the sound of my hair being brushed. I will never forget the week that I got my big nots. I was just getting into bed and the next morning boom my hair was all tangled up. It was a huge mess. I brushed and comb, but I couldn't get it out! Then my Mom came in and tried to help me but we still couldn't get it out!

It was hard to get all of my nots out. It took us 1 hour. I was really tired and I went right to bed. When I woke up it was night time. I went right back to sleep. The next morning my hair was the same way it was! So we had to brush out my hair again. When I looked in the mirror my hair was sticking strait out. I had to go to school with my hair like that. My friends thought it was funny. But I didn't think it was funny. It was so bad I didn't want to look at my self again. When I went inside my class mates stared at me. I was inbarist.

After the hard day at school i went home and played with my toys. When I had to go to bed we put something in my hair to keep it from frizzing. Do you know what it was?


The End

Let me just add my side of the story.....

Two years ago Maya decided that she no longer would allow me to brush her hair. She freaked every time I tried. I tried to get her to use conditioner and anti-frizz stuff to help her get her hair untangled, but she would have nothing to do with it....or me. ("...and boom! My hair was all tangled up..." my *ss!)

So, I threw down the gauntlet. I would no longer help her. She would just have to go to school with her hair as she was able to fix it.


And, yes. It was a bad week.

Interesting how she left out her refusal of help isn't it?

Well, it obviously stuck with her. I hope with no lasting scars. She fixes her hair beautifully now (and religiously uses conditioners and anti-frizz stuff).

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Friday, December 30, 2005

Babysitting Crisis 2005!

I have a different babysitter over this winter break. She is a teenager.

This is not good.

This is a list of everything that happened when I came home from work Wednesday night.
  • Actually, before I came home, she called me and flippantly happened to mention, "Oh, my Mom wants to spend some time with me, so I can't babysit Thursday or Friday." I called her Mom, and she knew nothing about this plan.
  • I got home, said hello to the babysitter, her friend (a girl that I allowed to come over that day), and Maya, then went looking for Sophie. As I neared the bathroom, I thought she was in there with the door open. She always does that. And....I heard a little "tinkling" sound. I waited....and waited....and waited for that sound to stop. The girl does not have that large of a bladder, so I stepped into the bathroom - and into a huge pool of water. The toilet was overflowing. It seemed to be clean water....thank God.....and it was all merrily cascading down the heater vent in the floor.
  • After returning from taking her home I noticed that my front screen to my picture window (that I just bought this fall and it took 2 days to get it on the window right because it was so damn tight) was lying in the middle of my front yard.
  • I opened the silverware drawer to find it totally devoid of anything silver or ware-ish. It was all in the dishwasher. All of it. If I had a dinner party for 15 people, I wouldn't use all my silverware. I asked the girls if they new anything about it. They said that "the babysitter" had been laughing and trying to scare Sophie by.........get this........throwing silverware at her. From the kitchen into the living room. Yeah!
  • At this point, I decided to call her and find out just what the hell was going on. Her friend answered the phone and I suppose it was pretty obvious that I was angry. When I asked for the babysitter to be put on the phone, she hesitated and finally stuttered out, "She's in the bathroom." When I said that I would be happy to wait, she said that, "Uh....well... she's, she's.....throwing up." I was not happy and told her that I could spot bullcrap like that a million miles away and I expected a call back that evening.
  • She called. And denied or had a lame excuse for everything. The silverware incident? Didn't have any answer to that one, just dead silence.
  • I explained to her that I was very angry that she disrespected my home, my kids and my intelligence. She could come (with her MOTHER) to pick up her paycheck on Friday when I got home from work.
  • Her little friend called and left a message on my machine when I was out about how "She feels sorry for "babysitter ". And you are really mean. And you made her cry." I sincerely wanted to throttle that little bitch. If my kids ever do that to an adult that they don't know that was kind enough to let them in their house, I will personally inflict physical and emotional damage onto their sorry behinds.
  • She called me back 4 times when I was talking to a friend. I detest caller ID and won't answer it, but the beeping thing finally had me so angry that I picked it up. She wanted to know why I fired her. WTF! First of all, she quit....she was only working until the end of this week, and secondly - she needed her ass fired.

All this in one day.

And I didn't even mention that on the first day she got in trouble because when I came home these items were all gone...

  1. an entire plate of brownies
  2. 1/2 a chocolate cake (that Sophie had won)
  3. a quart of ice cream
  4. a half gallon of orange juice
  5. two boxes of fruit roll ups
  6. 2 frozen pizzas
  7. and I am sure numerous other things that I didn't notice

I had to talk to her about this on the very first day!

I have another babysitter, never fear. I think the worst is over.

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Friday, December 09, 2005

I Cannot Control My Emotional Self

Last night Maya was in her school's Holiday Play/Musical thing. She was one of the chorus and sung her little heart out.

I always am so proud of her when she does these things because she is the shy one of the family. Sophie is just out there and really has no choice except to become a famous actress some day. She dances, she sings, she makes a fool of herself no matter what the situation. Maya is hard pressed to even enjoy this type of thing.

We got there very early and Maya had to go sit on the riser, in her designated spot, even though no one else was there. This is just the way she is. She has a spot to be in and she is there. No deviation. No messing around. So I sat in the empty theater seats and watched her mouthing the words of her songs over and over, intermittently taking huge, deep breathes because she was so nervous.

She just makes me smile.

When the play finally started and Maya opened her mouth and started belting out her part....well, I cried like a baby. Again. Remember this post? The excitement just gets to me. I had finally begun to control myself near the end. But of course the finale got me, once again.
It would have anyway, but my best friend's daughter had a solo. She did such a beautiful job. What a voice. And her presence was just awesome. So the crying continued.

You would think that was enough, wouldn't you?

But alas, the weeping continued.

We got home and just a few minutes after walking through the door I heard blaring Christmas music. This may irritate some people, but in our town it can only mean one thing.

Santa on a firetruck.

Every year the firemen decorate a firetruck all in lights, plop a real live Santa on top (spotlighted), blare Christmas carols and drive around giving all the kids in our town candy canes. They pick a different neighborhood every night and work for at least 2 weeks to get all the downtown neighborhoods covered.

And guess what?

It makes me cry every damn time.

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I Am Over-Stimulated

When I was growing up I would get REALLY excited for holidays. I was the youngest in my family and I think also the most outwardly emotional.

After watching me bounce through the house for hours on end before a big event, my Mom would eventually ask, "Shari, are you excited?" This would immediately cause me to break into an uncontrollable sobbing binge lasting for extended periods of time.

I don't know why.

I know that I felt embarrassed that it was so obvious. It was not necessarily that excitement was frowned upon in our household. Somehow I had singlehandedly decided that it was something to be ashamed of.

I have not outgrown this holiday excitement thing. I was so excited yesterday. The girls and I dressed up as vampires and hit the town. We started at 5 pm and were out until almost 10 pm. It was raining. It was cold.

It was fun.

And today? Today I am all weepy. I don't get this way often. I think the excitement has gotten to me. I even felt embarrassed when I was giving my co-workers the account of last night.

It's just that I get this look from people. Like it shouldn't be that fun. Like I should be like other parents that really hate all this stuff.

So, if you see me crying today, just know it's because I'm still excited. And I'm okay with that.




****ahem**** I'm not trying to brag or anything.....but I made those costumes.

And credit for the pictures to the coolest parents ever in the entire world - Sean and Megan (who begat the great and wonderful Piper, North and Abbie.) You guys are the greatest family in the history of mankind.


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Saturday, August 20, 2005

Bullies and Angry Mothers

I am not usually someone who feels the overwhelming need to kill someone.....but, yesterday I came very, very close.

My beautiful, sweet, innocent, would-not-hurt-a-fly, 8 year-old daughter Maya had a run-in with a neighbor of ours. Now, you must understand that Maya has never once been in a situation where anyone, adult or otherwise, has treated her unfairly or badly.

Her goal was to go to this neighbors house to ask if her friend Riley was there. Riley is there sporadically, I assume due to divorce and separation of her parents. Her father is the one that was staying at this house.

I was outside trimming my roses when Maya came sprinting back into our yard in tears - shaking like a leaf - and sobbing uncontrollably. My stomach immediately congealed into a state of what felt like granite. I had no idea what had happened, I could not even imagine. Absolute panic was lurking around the edges of my mind.

I finally got out of her what had happened.

She had knocked on the door and when there was no answer, she walked around the side of the house (in the driveway) to look into the backyard, over the fence, to see if Riley was there. A woman came up behind her, snatched Maya's rainbow baton and started yelling at her.

She accused Maya of stealing the baton out of the backyard. Now, there is no way for Maya to even get into the backyard where she was. When Maya told her that she did not steal it, that her Dad just bought it at the dollar store for her the day before, the woman threw it on the ground. She then grabbed Maya by the shoulders and told her that Riley no longer lived there and to never, ever come back there again.

Maya never played at their house, but Riley was constantly at ours. I don't let my girls play at anyone's house but ours unless I know the parents very well. I had met Riley's Dad, but I had never met this evil woman - whoever she is.

I got Maya settled down somewhat and inside our house and I went over to pay this "neighbor" a little visit. I cannot express to you how angry I was. I felt as if she had taken part of my daughters innocence and squashed it.

I was kinda feeling like squashing her, to be perfectly frank about it.

I am not a violent person. A lover not a fighter, you might say. I have only been in two fights in my life. One was with Howard Reichle in first grade (I am a bit fuzzy on the exact outcome of that one), and one was with my sister when I was about 13 or 14. I would venture to say that I won that one (but I am not proud of it). I was not necessarily looking for a fight, but I was ready for one. As I was ringing her doorbell I was shaking and my breath was raspy. I was muttering under my breath, "Stay cool, don't get obnoxious.....just try to make a point."

Of course, the chicken-bully-can-only-pick-on-innocent-8-year-old-neighbor would not answer her door.

When I went back home, I felt helpless. I wanted to show Maya that I could do something to stand up for her in a situation like this.

So........I called the police.

I know it was not really necessary. But when Maya told me that she was never going outside again because, "That lady was just so mean" I had to do something. The officer called, and I let Maya talk to him and I talked to him. She seemed very relieved. I then took the phone outside and explained to the officer that I really did know that there was nothing he could do, but I needed to show my daughter that she and I could regain some semblance of safety and control in her life.

I was ready to have a lecture on what the police department was really there for. But, what he told me was that I did the right thing and he wished more people would stand up for their children that way. He even said that he would be voluntarily calling the neighbor and counseling her on her inappropriate behavior.

Yay Puyallup Police Department.

Although Maya was convinced she could never go outside again, I talked her into riding her scooter up and down the street, as she usually does, last night. I told her to never, ever, ever let anyone intimidate you.....she had a right to play on her street and no bully should ever be able to stop that.

She came back from her ride with the biggest grin on her face.

Yay Maya. I am so proud of her.

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