Thursday, January 04, 2007

Mom, Don't Read My Diary

For Christmas Megan got me the book "Mortified - Real Words. Real People. Real Pathetic." The back of the book reads....

"In the days before blogs, teenagers recorded their lives with a pen in top-secret notebooks, usually emblazoned with an earnest, underlined plea to parents to keep away. Since 2002, David Nadelberg has tapped that vast wellspring of adolescent anguish in the stage show Mortified, in which grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and reasons they deserved to marry Simon LeBon."

I knew I was going to love it, and read it in two days. It's a scream, and I recommend it to anyone.

As fate would have it, while talking to my Mom tonight, she admitted to reading my diary while she was here this year. This "diary" is actually my journal I wrote in in 1995 while I was working in Alaska.

She suggested I burn it before the girls read it.

This prompted me to pull it out (no need to wipe the dust off, Mom) and look inside. These were wilder days...before kids...what the hell did I write? Obviously, crazy things like...

"It was almost a full moon tonight so I took a long walk up and around the cove. Gorgeous. There are waterfalls, huge trees, flowers - its like a little elf world. I sat on a bench by a waterfall and watched the trees in the moonlight."

Where are my matches!?

But maybe it was this...

"Then there's Kenny. Why can't I get him off my mind? I cannot believe the way he made me feel in such a short time. It's hard to tell what is really going on between us. I can't read his mind and I know what his motives were for our relationship, but all I know is he made me feel so incredibly good when we made love - it was like I was a totally new person. I usually am very guarded or almost flippant about sex but I was saying and doing things before I thought about what the repercussions might be. I don't know if it's love, but I do know that I have experienced lust and this isn't that."

Or could it be this quote that I jotted down?

"Only the rather stupid and insentient, nowadays, have strong and sharply defined personalities. Only the barbarians among us 'know what they are'."
-Aldous Huxley "Eyeless in Gaza"

And really...that's about it. There's some comment on my co-workers, a few tirades about the captain, some descriptions of nights were I drank too much. But the excerpts above were really the raciest it got.

Dang. Good thing she didn't find my erotic fiction.



At 12:58 AM, Blogger Love Monkey said...

I wish I could keep a diary. I always end up destroying them. Even electronic, passworded, encrypted ones. I blame my past lives with snoopy control freaks.

I would love to see what I wrote about so many years ago. I think you should keep it. But lock it up.

At 1:44 AM, Blogger Ant said...

Aw cute! :o)

I never kept a diary either because anytime I tried to, it came out like Adrian Mole (getting in touch with my feelings and the like - bleugh!)

The beauty of a blog is that I know that someone else is going to read it so it keeps me honest.(Though a few warnings have been issued to me that my future children may not want to read about my bedroom habits that I seem so keen to share with all and sundry!)

Agree with above - keep it, but lock it away.

At 2:43 AM, Blogger Bells said...

you sound so ok with your mum having read your diary. OK, so it was a while ago, but are you really?

My mum read mine when i was 14 (in which I admitted I hated her, duh, I was 14) and read a really personal letter of mine when Iwas 24. I can't forgive her.

But you sound really so ok with it...!

At 9:36 PM, Blogger Squishi said...

I never kept a diary for the reason that my mother went through EVERYTHING all the freaking time.

I did have one very personal email (and all about her) to my boyfriend at the time that I'd kept in my hotmail account. Believe it or not, about 9 years after I left home, she got into my hotmail account (how? HOW??) and rang me up and abused the pants off me for it. I guess nothing changes even when you leave home.

At 10:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My mom went through my room the other day, which she never does, and found my diary. She read that my boyfriend and i, who were both virgins, had sex the weekend before. My boyfriend and i have been dating for fourteen months, and we are both over the "legal" age. She freaked out, and the past week has been a living hell. The most amazing part is that she did not tell me she read my diary, i found out from his mom a few days later. She says i betrayed her trust by doing it, but i think she wins the trust betrayal competition.

At 11:14 AM, Blogger mr. mortified said...

Wow. You rock! Thanks for saying such nice things about our book!



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