Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Honey, That's Not Lipgloss

Sophie really wanted a purse and a wallet for her birthday.

I didn't get her one.

It's not that I don't want her to have one, it's just that it wasn't at the top of MY list of what to get her. I underestimated how much she really was counting on these gifts and, therefore, have heard about it ever since.

There is a woman in my vanpool who has 3 (or 4? no, I think it's 3) daughters - the youngest of which is graduating from high school. They had a huge bag of purses that were just going to be given to charity. She thought of me and my plight and generously gave to the "Shari REALLY Doesn't Want To Spend Her Hard Earned Money On a Purse For Her Seven Year Old Child" Foundation (or SRDWTSHHEMOAPFHSYOC, for short).

I brought them home and dumped them on the lawn in front of a screamingly excited Sophie. She chose a silver-sequinned number. One of those little sparkly bags that were very in - oh you know - maybe 10 minutes ago?

Then, I let Maya and Grace (the neighbor girl) each pick one.

They, being smart and frugal girls, decided to go through all the purses in hopes of finding money. This is not a bad idea. So I encouraged them.

Maya found approximately 13 cents, a condom and "Wild Cherry Lube". She was unimpressed by the 13 cents and the condom.....

But she thought the lube was lip gloss.

Thankfully, it was unopened.

I told her that under no circumstances could she use the "lip gloss" because it was someone else's and that is not hygenic. She pointed out that it was unopened, so I used the "I Forbid You Because I Am Your Mother" argument. I realize that this will only work so long, but it worked this time and that is all that matters.

So, if anyone else would like a nice "Wild Cherry Lipgloss" (unopened), a "Large" (whatever) Lifestyles condom and a few thousand slightly used purses....just let me know.



At 1:29 PM, Blogger melissa.in.london said...


Oh. My. Goodness.

That is so hilarious!

At 1:30 PM, Blogger melissa.in.london said...

Oh, and I'll pass on the lovely offer. But thanks. ;)

At 1:47 PM, Blogger Christine said...

That is simply hilarious.

I'm good on "lipgloss", thanks.

At 2:11 PM, Blogger anika said...

That purse was the bling of the weekend ... It's one of those outfit-completer purses.

I am envious.

At 2:45 AM, Blogger Ant said...

It didn't belong to the Tooth Fairy did it? Or maybe that horny old codger Santa Claus?

I sense a backlog of explanations building up...

At 5:10 AM, Blogger Squishi said...

ok, i sat here on my lounge laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing my head off so loudly in front of my housemates that they think i've lost the plot.

That was the FUNNIEST post I've read in a while.

Gosh i love your blog!!

At 7:34 PM, Blogger rennratt said...

Good answer, mom. REALLY good answer!


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