My Motto: Question Everything, Decide on Nothing

I have been tagged by Anika and Melissa.in.london with the "8 Traits of my Perfect Partner" tag. Now, I understand that many, if not all of you, can bust this bad boy out in a few minutes and go on with your life. But due to my "issues" relating to this particular subject and a few things that have happened in the last few days, I am now confused and irritated and I am going to tell you why.

I woke up this morning in the middle of a dream I can't really remember, but I sat straight up in bed saying, ,"You love me? Then why I am here alone?" Literally. I said that out loud. And the strangest thing is that I really believe that I love being alone. I have always been miserable in relationships. Granted, the first 4-8 months is divine. It always is. The misery sets in sooner or later, though.

But when something happens like that in my subconscious mind, I have to wonder -am I really happy? Do I really want to be alone? Maybe I am just kidding myself with all this "I'm fine by myself, I prefer it" talk.

The thing is this. Of course I would love to be in love. Who wouldn't? It's a great feeling. But when you know what happens after the initial joy wears off, why would you not avoid it? And yes, I do believe that love can be forever. But only rarely. It's the lottery of love concept that I wrote about here.

And, I consider myself heterosexual, but I also firmly believe that if you draw that lottery ticket of love - you don't get to choose what sex the other person is. So the traits listed below would apply to either sex, I suppose.

So. 8 Traits of my Perfect Partner

Logically speaking, they would be:

1. Funny.
2. Able to look fear in the face and laugh.
3. Totally in control of their life, but no interest in controlling mine.
4. Kind.
5. Insanely curious.
6. Smart, but not really know it.
7. Logical in their emotions.
8. A secret romantic.

And illogically speaking, they would be:

1. In the kind of love with me that their heart hurts a little bit when they didn't know where I am, but know better than to call me or check on me all the time - because well, that's just irritating.
2. Smiling all the time for no - or any- reason.
3. The type of person who would never in a million years tell everyone how much they loved me (even me, most of the time), but it would be so apparent that it needn't be said anyway.
4. Someone who could tell the difference between me-just-being-me and me-secretly-freaking-out-under-the-ruse-of-me-just-being-me.
5. Not get their feelings hurt if I wanted to spend time alone or time alone with my girls. Sometimes a lot of time.
6. The person who would never say bad things about me to their friends or co-workers because they knew even if they were thinking bad things at that particular moment that deep down they loved me anyway.
7. Willing to give that whole "here for life" thing a good honest try.
8. Forgiving.

So there. That's all I have to say about that.