Make Up Your Damn Mind, Already!

So I had a phone call from the one person that I have been wondering about.

It was just a voice mail, but it still made my heart leap a little. Not a leap of love, but more like a leap of "there is a possibility to end my long draught of celibacy". It would be easy. It would be good. It would be nice.

Sometimes I just miss the smell of a man. Good god, that sounds ridiculous doesn't it? But, like I read in a Tom Robbins book once, sex is 95% smell, 5% touch. I tend to agree.

The last time I posted on this subject I got the comments that I was expecting. I must say, however, that Ant was the one that nailed my feelings about it all....


Ant said...
Hum. I get the thoughts of "fuck it, let's just go out and get laid" on a semi-regular basis. Then I go and do my Friday Dance and end up thinking a lot clearer: Sex without strings doesn't exist for me, and tough-talk notwithstanding, I don't think it exists for most other people either. So even though I've got a sneaking suspicion I'm sounding a lot like my parents, I advise caution. Until the woman comes along that completely and utterly knocks me off my feet, I'm perfectly content to Friday Dance the night away. The relationship hassles of something that isn't working just aren't worth it.

Dammit.

He is so right. You all know that Ant is my mental soul-mate, right? We have amazingly similar views on things. When he wrote this comment it was in my plans to email him back and thank him for bringing my mind back to normal again. (Thanks Ant, a bit late...)

If anyone knows how to get by on the "Friday dance", trust me, it is I -I have been celibate for two years now. The Friday dance is some of the best sex I have ever had - quick, to the point, a-wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am sort of pleasure. But the man smell is missing. And the warmth of bare skin. And the laughing. And the falling asleep afterwards with my head on the chest of a breathing and, dare I say, aromatic male.

I can remember exactly how he smells.

Maybe I can get it out of my system. Maybe all it will take is just one time. Maybe I won't want him to keep coming back.

Maybe.

Maybe I won't get attached....