Monday, October 02, 2006

Still Life With Grey Cheerios

Plumbers earn their pay. I don't care what anyone says. I don't care if their butts hang out of their pants. They are magical creatures.

Some say bad things come in three's. I always try to disprove this rule -especially when I am on number 2.

This weekend started off with fixing the garbage disposal. I tried all the tried and true tricks, but of course none of them worked. I ended up with the disposal unit seated quite uncomfortably in my lap, fishing out the previous days meal remnants.

It was horrific. And smelly.

I finally found the offending object. A dime was jammed between the side of the machine and the whirly thing on the inside. It was so beaten up it was barely recognizable. I had to pry it out with the business end of a flat screwdriver and a sizeable amount of elbow grease.

It is now, astoundingly, working like a charm.

Isn't it amazing how a garbage disposal can chop food into really, really tiny pieces? Do you know how tiny? I do.

I know how tiny the pieces of food are. A whole soup of garbage disposal offal decided to take the scenic route to the outside world by way of my shower floor.

Coffee grounds, minced vegetables, and strangely enough - completely intact cheerios. How did they make it through the disposal mayhem intact? How does that happen? And should they possibly not be eaten because of this?

Maybe they are just indestructible ninja Cheerios. They are probably the ones that led the revolt in the first place.

Sneaky bastards.

Here is a rundown of my evening:

5:00 pm - Arrive home from work.

5:03 pm - Start cooking dinner in mad rush. (Pork chops, broccoli and baked potatoes).

5:45 pm- Get the kids loaded into the car and head off to piano lessons.

7:30 pm - come back home. Decide I must tackle shower or the house will be unlivable and I will not smell pretty at work tomorrow.

7:31 pm - Realize I have no Liquid Plumber. Call neighbor Natalie and borrow hers.

7:35 pm - Read instructions. "Pour no more than 4 cups of Liquid Plumber in slow drain. Wait 15 minutes. Flush with hot - not boiling water. Do not use plunger."

7:36 pm - Pour almost entire bottle of Liquid Plumber down drain. Put kettle on to boil.

8:05 pm - Put on Sophie's gold aviator Elvis impersonator glasses (eye protection) and pour boiling water down still plugged drain.

8:06 pm - See no change. Grab plunger. Hold breath and tuck lips in-between teeth to protect from possible acidic spray. Plunge.

8:07 pm - Drain clears.

8:10 - 8:20 pm - Scoop sludge and clean out shower with much disinfectant. Run water for a long time just to make sure.

Did I mention that during all of this I was also helping Maya with math and spelling homework and Sophie with two book reports?

I can do anything! I am woman hear me roar!

(I wish I was dating a plumber.)


At 1:44 AM, Blogger Ant said...

Wow - I am in awe. I have a desperate fear of garbage disposal units ever since the guy nearly got his hand chopped off in Final Destination 2.

And that is worrying about the cheerios - the solid metal dime got beaten up but they were ok? We eat this stuff?

At 1:47 AM, Blogger Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

You're clearly prepared to deal with the invasion of Ninja Cheerio's hell-bent on your destruction, now that you have uncovered their secrets.

Just roar at them.

At 2:57 AM, Blogger rennratt said...

Wow. (Crosses Cheerios off grocery list)

Think of how much money you saved!

At 11:05 AM, Blogger Janie said...

you don't have to date a plumber-- you ARE a plumber! i am amazed.

oh, and i eat cheerios regularly, despite being told that they float because of the 'tsp' in them. (see

yum, yum, pass the cleaner-- i mean, cheerios!

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Rachael said...

*dies laughing* I am officially impressed.

hmmm . . . . good thing I am not much of a cheerios person . . . eesh

At 9:01 AM, Blogger Christine said...

Good for you! I caulked the tub. And it looks down right terrible. Did you know that the 100% silicone variety dries much much faster than the siliconized latex, or whatever it is, variety? Because it does. So that when you go to smooth it and make it look pretty, you just ripple the drying surface, making it impossible to smooth. Ugly. BUT, no more leak!

I figure when I win the lottery, or marry someone handy, I will just rip out the entire offending bathroom to be replaced. Caulk and all.

At 12:47 PM, Blogger said...

Ninja cheerios.

I have no words.


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