Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Blasted Nipples

I was just confronted with the overwhelming problem of trying to keep my laughter to myself. This is hard- very, very hard for me to do. I only choose to do it when the source of my potential laughter is inappropriate to share.

This is definitely not work appropriate.

The source of my mirth was a bag of Flavor-Blasted Goldfish. If you don't have kids, these are little crackers in the shape of fish that normally have a cheddar-type flavoring. Flavor-Blasted Goldfish, however, have a dusting of spices that "blast" your mouth with a flavoring of their devising (nacho, bbq, etc).

One night, as I was riding in the car with my friend Lynette (forgive me, please, for mentioning your name). She was very excited to sample the Flavor-Blastedness of her bag of goldfish crackers. Imagine my surprise when she yelled, "Holy shit!"

I looked around to try to find the source of her exclamation. It was in vain. "What?!" I said.

"These goldfish just made my nipples hard!"

Somehow, the spices and artificial flavorings reacted to her body chemistry in a way that was previously unknown to exist. Who knew?

I tried them, but nothing. Damn.

So, when I saw everyone sharing these goldfish at work today I wondered how many could possibly be having the same reaction as my friend. I couldn't bring myself to look.


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